The Paradox of Wants
What do you desire? 10 million dollars? 10 million followers? A nice car, watch, or house? Do you just want to be seen? Would you like to be viewed favorably in the eyes of your community? What do you want?
What do you really want?
The paradox that arises from asking yourself these questions is as follows: How could you possibly know what you want? After all, if you want it, that means you haven’t yet obtained it. How could you know that something you haven’t yet experienced is worthwhile and enjoyable?
A great example of this is internet fame. It seems that one of the most prominent desires of our generation is fame, but if you want to be famous, why? There is no way to know that you want to be famous until you achieve fame. It is impossible to predict how you will feel and whether or not you will enjoy it.
Desire is a trap. We spend our whole lives chasing external validation in various forms, only to realize that in the end, we might not have wanted these things in the first place. Therefore, I believe that it is futile to try to ‘manifest’ your desires; to chase desire.
How could you, with all your biases, predispositions, and inherent insecurities possibly dream up the outcome that is best suited for you? Considering the infinite potentialities that exist in your future, prediction is a losing proposition. But, there is a solution.
“Let everything that needs to go, go. And let everything that needs to come, come.”
-Tosha Silver
This is a quote from a book I read recently called “It’s not your money”. It touches on some very powerful age-old Buddhist and Hindu concepts.
Non-grasping. (Aparigraha)
Detachment. (Vairāgya)
Surrender. (Ishvara Pranidhana)
All three are ways to escape the paradox of desire.
Don’t chase, attract.
Don’t cling, release.
Don’t fight the flow, move with it. Dance with it!
My relationship with desire fundamentally changed after reading The Surrender Experiment by Michael A Singer. To sum it up, Michael ‘drops out’ of society to focus on his meditation practice, and through certain synchronicities, ends up building a billion-dollar software company from his hut in the woods. It’s a fantastic first-person account of what can happen when you allow God to do the work for you.
Here’s the paradox of wants summed up by Big Z in the movie Surfs Up:
You can’t fight the waves of life. You must move gracefully amongst the chaos, flowing with the energy of the world.
But, that is not to say that desire is inherently bad. Desires are simply not all made equal. Self-serving desires will kill you, while selfless desires are powerful and fruitful.
When attempting to decide what you ‘think’ you want, ask yourself why you want it. Ask yourself why five times. Here are two different examples:
Why do I think I want fame?
Because it will make me rich.
Why do I think I want to be rich?
So that I can have a nice house.
Why do I think I want a nice house?
So that I can throw parties to impress my friends.
Why do I think I want to impress my friends?
It goes on and on and on.
Example two:
Why do I think I want fame?
Because I have a message to share that will help people.
Why do I want to help people?
Because I know what it’s like to need help.
Selfless desires are far more powerful than selfish desires.
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I wish you all the best on your journey through life, and I hope this helped you move closer to escaping your paradox of wants. This mindset has certainly helped me tremendously.
Remember, let everything that needs to go, go. And let everything that needs to come, come.
<3 Jack